STOOPID....
The van is only 3rd party (no fire, no theft) insured. When we leave it in a dodgy area, or for long periods of time I cleverly reach into the engine and pull the plug from the battery to the engine. This ensures any stoopid idiot who tries to steal it will think flat battery and run away.
We returned from our Fraser trip and hopped in the van, which was parked at our hostel to make the epic 1000km trip north to Airlie Beach. I turn the key and rum, rum, rum......nothing. Again. Rum, rum....nothing. Again, rum.....nothing...BUMMER the battery is flat!
I jump out and push the van out of its parking space and into a good starting position for a bump start. After understandably failing twice to bump start an automatic, I grab a local teenage dirty bag to help me push the van back to starting position. He abliges, then skates off.
I spot the cleaner who I run over to and am surprised to find she has no jump leads on her. However, being a friendly Aussie, Joyce, the cleaner rushes off to find help. 2 minutes later the gardener rocks up and searches his 'ute' for leads. Nothing. Meanwhile Joyce is in her car starting the 10 minute round trip home to fetch her jump leads.
While we are waiting, the hostel owner Andre from South Africa gets on the phone to Greg the head of maintenance, then stands and chats to us for 10 minutes while waiting for Greg, and Joyce.
10 minutes pass and they both arrive at the same time. Greg who has driven to the local 4WD rental company to borrow some leads fetches his Toyota Minibus to run the leads to. Finding the battery covered , he rushes to get a screwdriver and remove a few metal plates on his van. He then inspects my battery and notes that the negative connection is loose, and the battery needs some water.
Deciding this may be the problem he runs off to fetch the garden hose. He spends the next 10 minutes carefully filling my battery and tightening connections etc....
The time has come to jump start the car. Greg starts his Toyota and we wait for 3 minutes for the charge to cross. I turn the key in my ignition, again, rum, rum....nothing. We wait another 3 minutes and try again. Nothing. We both look perplexed, and start discussing the options of him towing me to a mechanics. My stomach has sunk thinking our van is dead.
Its at this point I look down to see a flailing cable. The same cable i so cleverly unplugged 3 days before to stop some stoopid idiot starting the engine. Oh no, how do you explain this? After 2 minutes of mumbling, grunting, uuming, and arhing the crowd of slightly annoyed but still amused Aussies waves off the stoopid pommey and his wife in thier now re-wired van.
So next time you do something stoopid. Think of me and won't feel so bad.
We returned from our Fraser trip and hopped in the van, which was parked at our hostel to make the epic 1000km trip north to Airlie Beach. I turn the key and rum, rum, rum......nothing. Again. Rum, rum....nothing. Again, rum.....nothing...BUMMER the battery is flat!
I jump out and push the van out of its parking space and into a good starting position for a bump start. After understandably failing twice to bump start an automatic, I grab a local teenage dirty bag to help me push the van back to starting position. He abliges, then skates off.
I spot the cleaner who I run over to and am surprised to find she has no jump leads on her. However, being a friendly Aussie, Joyce, the cleaner rushes off to find help. 2 minutes later the gardener rocks up and searches his 'ute' for leads. Nothing. Meanwhile Joyce is in her car starting the 10 minute round trip home to fetch her jump leads.
While we are waiting, the hostel owner Andre from South Africa gets on the phone to Greg the head of maintenance, then stands and chats to us for 10 minutes while waiting for Greg, and Joyce.
10 minutes pass and they both arrive at the same time. Greg who has driven to the local 4WD rental company to borrow some leads fetches his Toyota Minibus to run the leads to. Finding the battery covered , he rushes to get a screwdriver and remove a few metal plates on his van. He then inspects my battery and notes that the negative connection is loose, and the battery needs some water.
Deciding this may be the problem he runs off to fetch the garden hose. He spends the next 10 minutes carefully filling my battery and tightening connections etc....
The time has come to jump start the car. Greg starts his Toyota and we wait for 3 minutes for the charge to cross. I turn the key in my ignition, again, rum, rum....nothing. We wait another 3 minutes and try again. Nothing. We both look perplexed, and start discussing the options of him towing me to a mechanics. My stomach has sunk thinking our van is dead.
Its at this point I look down to see a flailing cable. The same cable i so cleverly unplugged 3 days before to stop some stoopid idiot starting the engine. Oh no, how do you explain this? After 2 minutes of mumbling, grunting, uuming, and arhing the crowd of slightly annoyed but still amused Aussies waves off the stoopid pommey and his wife in thier now re-wired van.
So next time you do something stoopid. Think of me and won't feel so bad.
posted by Chris at 2:34 AM
5 Comments:
Am resisting a Mum type soppy comment.
If it's any consolation I called out the AA homestart a couple of weeks ago cos the bleedin car wouldnt start. Silly me, forgot the petrol. A "Chris" moment obviously.
At least it didnt catch fire... be thankfull for that. Man you are not messing around. That last surf spot honestly looked perfect. Sniff. No waves here unfortunately.
Keep writing and we'll keep reading.
Love jules and si
Thank was sooooo funny ;-)
Steve D
Since writing this blog we have had lots of own ups sent to us on email. Some are very funny. But we have been sworn to secrecy.
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